Collide
by Serendipity Cullen
Summary: 9X24. After seeing the bus burst into flames, April Kepner realizes that her life isn't worth living if Jackson Avery isn't in it. But, will Jackson return her feelings after all she's done to him? One-shot.


Collide

"Take a deep breath," Dr. April Kepner spoke as she put the bell of her stethoscope to the woman's chest. "Good, again," she said as she moved the bell to the other side of the woman's chest. "Your lungs sound good, let me look at your throat." April flashed the penlight in the woman's mouth and nodded. "Very good. We'll have Dr. Avery look at your arm." April gave her an encouraging smile before looking over her shoulder. "Jackson, could you take a looo-" April was cut off as she realized Jackson was no longer behind her checking on patients. "Jackson?"

April patted the woman's arm before stepping away from her and scanning the scene. Dr. Hunt was bent over a patient checking for injuries while Dr. Torres was examining another bus survivor. Matthew was checking on the other paramedics. "Dr. Hunt!" April called.

"What is it, Kepner?" Hunt yelled, glaring at her through the rain.

"Where's Jackson?!" April yelled back. "I mean, Dr. Avery, where's Dr. Avery?!"

"He's here somewhere!" Torres yelled. "He was right behind me!"

"I don't see him!" April yelled after scanning the area for the hundredth time. "What about the gas leak?!" She turned in time to hear the bus creak and see the fire spread.

"My daughter?!" Torres' patient blurted out. "Have you seen Evie?!"

Callie and Owen exchanged a looked before turning frightened eyes towards the bus. "Avery!" Hunt yelled, scanning the crowd of medical personnel again before taking a few steps towards the bus.

April stood frozen as time seemed to stop. It took her brain several moments to realize what was happening. Owen seemed to believe that Jackson was in the bus. The bus that had overturned, caught on fire, and had a gas leak. The bus that would eventually explode when the fire met the gas line.

"I don't see him!" Callie cried desperately, easing onto her tiptoes and peering towards the bus. "Jackson!"

"Avery!" Hunt yelled, his eyes widening as the fire grew brighter.

April continued to stand there. Jackson...Jackson was...in the bus...the bus...the fire...the gas leak...Jackson was in the bus... "Jackson!" she screamed, finally making the connection. If the fire and gas mixed, the bus was going to explode. If Jackson was in the bus when it exploded... "Jackson!" she screamed again, forcing her legs to move.

"Kepner!" Callie yelled, catching sight of April moving towards the bus.

April had taken several steps towards the bus when the flames surged. "No!" she screamed, running towards the bus now. She wasn't even thinking, she was just _reacting_.

"April!" Callied wailed, moving towards the resident. "April, stop!"

Matthew was up and running towards his fiancee in record speed. He caught up to her quickly, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back against him. "April, don't!" he exclaimed when she clawed at him.

"Jackson, we have to get Jackson!" April panicked. She made a grasp for the bus when the sky lit with fire, noises boomed in her ears, and she and Matthew were thrown to the ground.

"Kepner! Taylor!" Owen yelled as he and Callie skidded towards them, kneeling at their sides.

April scrambled to her feet, pushing Owen away. "Jackson!" she screamed, looking to the bus that was fully in flames now. "Jackson!" She started towards the bus, but Owen grasped her and hauled her back. "Jackson, oh my God, Jackson!" She wailed his name, grasping the air towards the bus, feeling herself get light-headed. "Nooo!" she pleaded, putting her hands on top of her head. Not Jackson!

April dropped to her knees, the flames blurring through the tears that filled her eyes. Jackson was gone. Jackson, the man she truly loved, was gone. They had just talked earlier in the day, and now he was gone. "No," she whispered, reaching towards the bus, a cold feeling settling in her chest. She didn't have a chance to fix things! She'd never gotten the chance to fix things!

_"Not pregnant," April had announced weeks earlier, the paper shaking between her trembling fingers._

_Jackson cleared his throat from beside her. "Not pregnant?" he asked quietly, looking to her._

_"Y-yes," April stuttered, checking the results again. "Not pregnant," she whispered, visibly sighing with relief. "Thank you, God," she whispered, passing the paper to Jackson. "Thank you, thank you," she repeated, steepling her hands. "Thank you, Jesus!" She laughed softly, wiping the stray tear from the corner of her eye. "Not pregnant...we're not having a baby...thank God...now, we don't have to get married." She laughed giddily, looking over to Jackson._

_The look on his face made her stop cold. His face was straight, emotionless, but his eyes...his eyes had such a deep, soul-crushing pain to them._

_"Oh, Jackson," April spoke softly, reaching towards him. "I didn't mean..." She reached for his face, but Jackson pulled away quickly. "Jackson!"_

_Jackson shook his head, crumpling the test results in his hand. "Yeah, we don't _have _to get married," he spat, tossing the results to the ground._

_April closed her eyes, groaning inwardly. "Jackson, I didn't..."_

_"Don't," Jackson cut her off, standing and glaring down at her. "Just don't, okay?"_

_"Why are you so mad?" April asked, looking up to him with confusion running across her face. "Didn't you hear? We don't have to get married now!"_

_"I heard you," Jackson snapped. "I heard you loud and clear."_

_April looked to him, studying his face. "Do-do you want to get married?" she asked quietly._

_Jackson shook his head again, disgust evident on his face. "You're so careless," he sneered, closing his eyes and applying pressure to the bridge of his nose. "You know what, April? I'm not going through another pregnancy scare with you."_

_"Oh, I know," April spoke softly, looking to the ground. "I'll get on the pill, you know, just to be sure..."_

_"No," Jackson interrupted, all emotions leaving his face. "The best way to not have this scare is to not do anything, right?"_

_April's brow furrowed. "Y-yeah, I gu-guess..."_

_"You've been saying we need to stop," Jackson continued. "So I guess this," he motioned to the balled up paper at his feet, "is our sign to stop."_

_"You want to stop?" April asked softly, standing and searching his eyes._

_"Yeah," Jackson said, looking away. "I don't want to be the guy you _have_ to marry because I knocked you up." He took a few steps back, shaking his head again and looking to the ground. "See you around, April."_

_"Jackson!" April called as he turned and started towards the hospital. He didn't even pause. He walked with purpose, his shoulders squared and his head held high. Jackson was leaving her._

April put her hands to the wet concrete, pushing herself up. "We have to look for him!" she shrieked. "We can't just leave him!"

"Kepner!" Owen exclaimed, grasping her shoulders and shaking her roughly. "Get yourself together! Avery is-"

"Jackson!" Callie exclaimed, her hand flying to her mouth in disbelief.

April snatched from Owen's grasp, staggering back and looking towards the bus. Through the smoke and flames, she was barely able to make out a figure. She rubbed her eyes, seeing Jackson walking away from the bus with a small girl held tightly against his chest.

"Evie!" a woman behind them exclaimed.

Emotion rocked through April as she felt her knees go weak. She gulped in air, stumbling back as Jackson walked past her. Her whole body trembled as she took him in. He wasn't gone! He was alive!

"Ssshhhh," Matthew soothed, wrapping his arms around his trembling fiancee. "April, you're shaking," he stated, the concern obvious in his voice. "Are you okay?"

"I'm f-fine," April whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks. She'd almost lost him. She'd almost lost Jackson. The thought of living the rest of her life without him...made her life not worth living. She _needed_ Jackson. She loved Matthew, but she could live without him. She couldn't live without Jackson. April kept her eyes glued to Jackson, watching as he deposited the young girl into her mother's arms. He grunted, grasping a spot on his shoulder. Callie was at his side immediately, ushering him inside. "I-I-I have to ch-check on him," she stuttered, pushing away from Matthew.

Matthew's brow furrowed. "I'm sure he's fine. It's you I'm worried about."

"I said I'm fine," April replied, walking towards the hospital. Once she was inside, April pressed against the wall, trying to calm her trembling body. The fear of losing Jackson had every nerve in her body alive and jumping. The anxiety surged through her as she gripped the wall with her fingers, trying to gain composure. Jackson was fine. He was alive. Everything was going to be okay. April squeezed her eyes shut, grasping her hands at the base of her neck. "Thank you," she whispered quietly. "Thank you for sparing him." A tear rolled down her cheek at her heartfelt appreciation to her Lord. She'd never been more thankful in her life.

April wiped the tear away and took a deep breath. She could do this. Pushing away from the wall, April started towards the curtain she saw drawn. She knew Jackson was behind that curtain; she could hear Callie chastising him for going back into a burning bus. With each step she took, April felt the anxiety building in her again. Jackson could have died! He could have just died! How was she supposed to make it without him?! How could she keep living knowing that he was _gone_. April was now running across the ER floor, reaching the curtain and yanking it back quickly. She stood there for a second, taking Jackson in. Bare chest, superficial burn to his shoulder, but he was fine. He was fine.

"Kepner?" Callie questioned, looking to the younger doctor.

"How _could_ you?!" April screamed, lunging across the small space, sending small fists into Jackson's chest. "How could you do that to me?!"

"Knock it off!" Jackson exclaimed, attempting to catch her fists with one hand.

"Don't run into a burning bus!" April screamed, tears running down her cheeks. "I can't keep going if you're not here, okay?!"

Callie managed to get hold of April and drag her back a few feet. "Kepner, get a hold of yourself!" she yelled over the hysterical young woman, shoving her back roughly.

"I can't live without you!" April wailed, reaching for Jackson again.

"Get some air!" Callie ordered, shoving April back a second time. "I'm serious, Kepner!" she yelled, planting herself in April's path. "Walk it off! Go walk it off!"

April looked to Jackson for a moment, seeing the shock on his face, before turning and running from the ER, banging into Matthew along the way.

Callie turned to Jackson, raising an eyebrow. "Good luck with that."

"Seriously," Jackson murmured, looking to the floor.

April ran for the stairwell, bursting through the doors and running up the stairs two at a time until she finally collapsed on the stairs between the third and fourth floor. She gripped the railing, coughing and gasping for air as the tears rolled down her cheeks. She turned on the stairs, sitting and hanging her head between her knees. She felt sick; the thought of losing Jackson literally made her _sick_.

Matthew pursed his lips, quietly walking up the stairs April had thundered up seconds before him. He wasn't sure if he was fully ready for this conversation. He wasn't an idiot; April didn't have that reaction simply because Jackson was her friend. It was obvious to everyone that there was something more there. Now, he just had to find out _how_ much more was there. "April," he spoke quietly.

April lifted her head, looking to him with swollen eyes. "Matthew," she said softly, wishing he hadn't followed her. She didn't need to have her fiancee see her fall apart over another man. But, leave it to good, dependable, caring Matthew to come check on her. She ran her hand over her head, looking down and biting her lip.

"We need to talk," Matthew said quietly, sitting on the stair beside her. He took a deep breath and looked over to her, studying her intently. April looked like she was falling to pieces right before his eyes. "Is something going on between you and Jackson?" he asked softly.

April closed her eyes, sighing heavily. "No," she answered honestly. That was the thing, nothing _was_ going on with Jackson. They had parted ways some time ago. They'd stumbled through their sexual mess of things and tried to rekindle their friendship, but there...there was always this foundation of passion between them. Every time she looked at him, she felt it sizzle in the air between them.

"Are you sure?" Matthew asked, raising an eyebrow. "Cause not many people I know have that kind of reaction over someone they're not in love with."

April swallowed hard. She was in love with Jackson. She loved him with every fiber of her being. She loved him so much that the thought of a world existing without Jackson Avery made the air catch in her lungs. "I am in love with him," she whispered quietly.

Matthew nodded slowly, licking his lips. "Is he the one you..." He let the sentence hang, but looked over to her expectantly.

April looked to him, hating herself for the hurt she saw in his eyes. "He is," she replied softly, "but that's not the reason I love him."

"So, it's more than physical?" Matthew asked quietly.

"Yes," April whispered, fresh tears filling her eyes. She hated this. She truly _hated_ it. Matthew was a good man; he didn't deserve to be hurt. But, she knew that she couldn't keep leading him on. She had to end things with him. April's hands shook as her fingers circled the diamond ring and she worked it off her finger. "You should have this back," she said quietly, holding her hand out to him.

Matthew looked to the ring in her palm, then to her eyes. "Did you ever love me?" he asked softly.

"I did, I do," April replied, "it's just..."

Matthew pursed his lips again. "You love him more?"

"Yeah," April whispered, watching as Matthew took the ring from her hand. "I'm _so_ sorry. I never meant to hurt you..."

"I know," Matthew replied as he stood. He truly believed April didn't mean to hurt him; she wasn't that type of person. "Your heart wants what it wants...I'm just sorry I didn't do it for you."

April scrambled to her feet. "It's not you!" she blurted out. "You're wonderful, Matthew, it's just...seeing Jackson...and the bus..." Her eyes blurred as fresh tears filled her eyes.

"It's okay," Matthew replied, taking her in his arms and rubbing her back. Once he felt her relax, he slowly let her go. "I'll see you around."

"Be careful," April called weakly after him, then dropped onto the stair again. It was done; her relationship with Matthew was over. She was free to tell Jackson how sorry she was and hope that he'd take her back.

Matthew moved through the hospital quietly, feeling empty for the first time since laying eyes on April Kepner. Jackson might be the one who did it for her, but...she was the one who did it for him.

Matthew's steps slowed as he moved through the ER of the hospital. Several of the bus survivors were being wheeled through and taken to a warm bed on the second floor. However, one curtain was drawn. Without thinking, Matthew moved over to the curtain and poked his head in. "Hey, man, you okay?" he asked, his eyes landing on the man April loved.

Jackson opened his eyes, seeing the paramedic. He wasn't really in the mood for anything else that had to do with April right now. "Yeah, I'm fine," he answered, trying his best to keep the irritation from his tone. "Thanks for asking."

"Sure," Matthew shrugged, starting to leave, but looked back to Jackson. "Take care of her, okay?"

Jackson's brow furrowed. "What? Take care of who?"

Matthew held up the engagement ring. "Take care of her."

Jackson's mouth dropped as he saw the ring that Matthew had slipped on April's finger weeks earlier. Did that mean... Before he had a chance to ask, the paramedic was gone. "Hey!" he yelled. "Matt!" He waited, but it was obvious Matthew wasn't coming back. Jackson groaned, letting his head drop back on the pillow. He stared at the ceiling, his mind moving back to the bus. He had to get that little girl out...April had to understand that!

April.

Jackson groaned, remembering the sight of her. She looked completely distraught. He'd never seen April that upset before. He'd seen her run through many an emotion, but he'd never seen that look of devastation consume her features before. "What?" Jackson groaned as he heard the curtain swish open. He tried to blunt the edge to his tone in case it was Stephanie.

"Jackson," April spoke softly, biting her lower lip.

Jackson propped onto his good arm, looking at her. "April, I don't need any more of your crap right now, alright?" he frowned.

"I thought you were gone," April said quietly, taking a step closer to him. "I looked for you, and...you weren't there." Her gaze dropped to the floor as she spoke. "Hunt thought you were back in the bus..." She toyed with her hands, blinking several times. "We were coming for you...and the fire...and the explosion...I thought..I thought..."

Jackson sighed heavily. "I'm sorry about that."

April looked to him. "When I thought you were...gone," she whispered the word, "I realized how much I love you." She took another step closer to him, keeping her gaze fixed on his. "I love you so much, Jackson."

Jackson opened his mouth to say the words back to her, but he stopped himself. "You're getting married," he reminded her. Maybe he could find out what had happened between her and Matthew.

April shook her head. "I'm not getting married."

Jackson blinked. "You're...not?"

April moved to the end of the gurney, sitting down gently. She licked her lips before speaking again. "I know how much I've messed things up with you...and I know I've been careless, but...seeing that fire today...thinking I'd never get to see you again..." She rubbed the back of her hand across her eyes. "I can't live without you, Jackson. My life, my world...it literally stopped when I thought you were gone..."

Jackson sat back, absorbing her words. It took him several moments to understand everything she was throwing at him. "You broke up with Matthew?" he asked, watching her nod. "Because you love me?"

April nodded again. "I've always loved you," she whispered. "I just thought things were too messed up to fix, but...I want to fix it." She took a breath. "You're not someone I _have_ to be with...you're someone I want to be with."

Jackson relaxed back against the pillows. "You don't regret anything that's happened with us?" He didn't want April to keep throwing up how he bummed out Jesus.

"I regret messing everything up," April replied softly. "I regret all this time we've been apart." She regretted seeing him with Stephanie, but she didn't dare say that part. April took a deep breath and pushed herself to her feet. "I just...wanted you to know...that I ended it with Matthew..." Jackson wasn't giving her anything, and she couldn't fully blame him. She'd put his heart through a meat grinder and stomped on his feelings. She didn't deserve to have someone like him. "I'll see you later."

"April!" Jackson called. "You're going to say that to me, and then leave?"

"Say something then!" April exclaimed, throwing her hands up.

Jackson took a breath. "I'm not going to tell you how much I love you until after I break up with Stephanie, okay?"

A slow smile curved April's features. "Okay," she said softly, backing towards the curtain.

"Are you in this?" Jackson asked seriously, studying her intently. "If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right. I don't want you regretting anything we've done, okay?"

"I don't regret anything."

Jackson relaxed, the guilt of their trysts lifting from his shoulders. "Good..." He had the urge to kiss her, but he wasn't going to disrespect her by still being involved with Stephanie. "I'll call you when Torres comes back with the xray results..."

"I'll see you later," April told him, a smile crossing her lips. She backed out of the curtain, nearly colliding with Stephanie. She forced her face straight as she spoke politely, then left the ER to give them privacy.

Despite the blunders, mis-fires, and miscommunications, April finally had the man she loved. April finally had Jackson Avery.


End file.
